- NOW RECOGNISED AS BEING THE BEST PLACE ON EARTH
May it please M’lud, we are bringing this case
because the website natureandpictures.com repeatedly,
repeatedly I say, states a fact that cannot be substantiated.
I quote, ‘Dorset is the best county’.
This nonsense must stop, it cannot possibly be correct
in law. It is purely a subjective opinion, and as
such, cannot be a ‘fact’. We also are
fully aware, that Dorset is overpriced – look
at Sandbanks; not only costlier than central London,
but the third most expensive land in the world! The
county has no mountains, no great cities, and er -
- - - - - -
Furthermore, the defendant does not even consider
other counties. Hampshire with the New Forest, its
winter waders, chalk streams; Devon with those beautiful
beaches, cream teas, Great Western Railway –
I do not think I need elaborate any further. The statement
is ridiculous, should never have been allowed, so
not only are we are looking for a guilty verdict but
a lengthy custodial sentence.
I quite agree. Couldn’t agree more. This is
a cut-and-dried case, the defendant has refused to
withdraw his ridiculous assertion, but by law, we
are obliged to hear his defence. Sorry about that.
So, Mr. Defendant, please proceed but make it quick.
Although I must retain an open mind, in truth, you
don’t stand an earthly. Hope you have brought
Thank you M’lud. The fact is; Dorset is the
Objection M’lud. I think we have heard enough.
He is rambling on.
Agreed. Please now sum up.
Okay. Hengistbury Head in the east is a dramatic headland,
affords a panoramic view of Christchurch, Mudeford
Quay and its famous beach huts, a nature reserve,
and with a rich history dating back 10,500 years.
If only we had writing from before the Romans. There
are artefacts from the Stone Age, Bronze, Iron, Roman,
Medieval until the present day. It used to be a prominent
port, probably the most important of our island. Next
to it, Stanpit Marsh, 3 minutes from the centre of
Christchurch by car, is a renowned nature reserve,
especially for its winter birds.
is another beauty spot, and claims the largest Church
in the UK, Priory Church, indeed, it is as large as
our great gothic Cathedrals. It has an art deco Regency
Theatre, a harbour with a bird sanctuary, and Like
Poole Quays, it is renowned for its arts centres.
Not too bad then.
Dorset is the best county for reptiles; the Smooth
Snake is common on many of the heathlands, but virtually
unknown outside of the county, and Britain’s
rarest reptile. The heathlands of east Dorset are
many and alive with Nightjars, reptiles, amphibians
On the vast cliffs which stretch for 7 miles either
side of Bournemouth, we have the Green Lizard, unknown
anywhere else in the UK, and here the Wall Lizards
are abundant. On a sunny day, you could easily see
a hundred. These Lizards have successfully bred here
for many years, and were either escapes or came off
boats from Southampton or Poole and found this haven
of sun, insects and cover.
True, we do not have the New Forest, but in fact it
is far closer to Bournemouth than my last address
at Hayling Island, now is 15 minutes away.
Now then, have you ever been to the Isle of Purbeck?
Beautiful rolling hills, along with St Andrews Golf
Course, and Portsmouth Harbour, my favourite views
anywhere, and please remember, I have the best taste
of anyone. Those who differ have no taste. You can
enter Purbeck on the chain Ferry which takes you over
to Studland, a National Trust beach, famous for its
dunes, spectacular views and seahorses, and cannot
miss Old Harry Rocks which if taken on a straight
line lead you over to the Needles on the Isle of Wight.
Just a few thousand years ago, all the sea north of
this was actually land.
Island and the Isle of Purbeck has a ‘magical’
feel, resonance of Enid Blyton and the Famous 5, Red
Squirrels, the birthplace of the Scout movement, and
the quintessential seaside resort - Swanage - with
its steam train which runs the most regular service
of any other in Britain. This train actually runs
into the centre of town.
mile south, and you are at Durlston Head, a nature
reserve, a spit of land ideal for migrating birds
and even dolphins passing by, but also the start of
the Jurassic Coast walk all the way to Exeter, a unique
location awarded World
status. Here are the majestic sea cliffs, the main
habitat that Hampshire lacks. Cliff-nesting seabirds
are my favourites, being noisy, easy to see and dramatic,
and maybe, because I could not see them in Hampshire.
The strata levels are easily observed running parallel
to the coastline, but will of a sudden twist and even
go vertical, and there are fossils to be found of
all sizes and differing periods. You may also take
boat trips from Poole or Swanage to view this coastline,
or maybe go to Old Harry Rocks, or take a trip around
the Isle of Wight.
around to the other side of Purbeck, and you arrive
at Corfe Castle. Destroyed by Cromwell, the remains
are unlike anywhere else.
There is a mystical quality as you spy it from a distance,
perched on a hill, sometimes looking creepy, sometimes
mystical, ethereal, spooky, dramatic, stunning, and
when combined with the Swanage steam train, which
passes close to, impossible to take a bad picture.
You can leave Purbeck to the west and visit one of
our greatest nature reserves, Arne, and
then the town of Wareham, a small self-contained beautiful
market town, surrounded with large water meadows,
another gem amongst the crown of Dorset. The land
around Wareham is the best in our islands for the
sheer quantity of wild flower species, about 350.
The county has poor quality soil, thus not much farming
is given over to arable crops, but poor soil equates
to good wild flowers, the grass does not take over,
and this in turn means more insects, thus more birds
and other forms of wildlife. Why would anyone ever
live anywhere else, ever? They would be stupid.
Poole is larger than Bournemouth and everyone should
be forced to visit Poole Quay before death, preferably
on a hot sunny day. Regular boat trips will take you
far and near, and you do not need to book. The backdrop
of Brownsea and the harbour is spectacular, there
are a vast number of pubs, cafes and restaurants,
and this area is famous for its arts, the biggest
such centre outside of London, and its pottery. Poole
is joined to Bournemouth with its 7 miles of sandy
beach, spectacular cliff top walks, pine-saturated
avenues, nature reserves galore, and all-in-all a
highly recommended place to live. Why not move tomorrow?
After Sydney, Poole Harbour is the largest natural
harbour in the world, and if you have the money, you
too can have a seaview - Sandbanks or Canford Cliffs
- but the rest of Dorset is not too bad for property
price, well no, it is actually excellent value. Check
it out on the internet – now. There are just
so many apartments, the only way to sell is price.
If you are a friend of mine, please check Zoopla and
Rightmove, this article has all been understated.
If you are an enemy of mine – don’t bother,
this is all exaggeration.
Further west we come to Weymouth. One of the original
seaside resorts, said to have the best sand in Britain,
famous for its bay, its sand sculptures, Punch and
Judy shows which I have witnessed since my infancy,
and unique in having 2 nature reserves, Radipole and
Lodmoor, right in the middle of the town.
of course has the most famous stone in the kingdom,
used in our finest buildings but because Portland
Bill juts 9 miles into the sea this most southerly
point of the mainland, it is probably the best migration
spot to see birds coming and going, and because it
is a spit, seabirds passing along the coastline, often
give wonderful close-up views. All over Portland rare
migrants can be seen, or 30,000 Swallows can pass
overhead in a single day, and then there is the Observatory,
where birds are netted and ringed. Again there are
stunning views and walks along the Jurassic Coast.
I could go on for 100,000 words here; take boat trips
to Guernsey or Jersey, there is an international airport
in Bournemouth, – let me sum up - but bear in
mindwe have not even covered the north of the County,
and the land of Thomas Hardy, then there is the Tolpuddle
Martyrs, historic Dorchester, Sherborne Castle, The
Stour (otters inhabit the entire length of this river
and Blandford Forum is the best place in Britian to
photograph them as they are quite tame and come out
during the day), there is wonderful Wimborne Minster,
with its food festivals, huge markets, popular shopping
centre with the Minster dominating the centre of the
historic town, then Highcliffe Castle, Kingston Lacy,
or to the west, Lulworth Cove, Abbotsbury with its
Swannery and tropical gardens, Lyme Regis and Charlmouth,
the home of fossilling and Mary Anning.
So, I will have none of it. Dorset is
the greatest county – fantastic views, great
for wildlife, Bournemouth, a new town and these days
a very young town, full of events, societies all year
round, with the best beaches in Britain. I rest my
case your honour.
Enought, I concede. I regret ever bringing this case.
I am putting my house up for sale tomorrow, will accept
any price and will move to Dorset immediately.
Not so fast you miserable git. I sentence you to 8
years, and you will not serve your time in luxurious
Dorset. Case dismissed. Why did you bring this ridiculous
prosecution in the first instance? Take him down.
Sandbanks is obviously criminally underpriced, the
whole county is as near to bliss as you can get. I’m
moving there as will all sane people. Dorset is now,
by statute, to be referred to as not only the greatest
county, but officially, the ‘Greatest Place